By Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
Family Counseling Ministries -
The writers of the Bible devoted large portions of
Scripture to how we are to conduct our interpersonal relationships. God places
high priority on how, specifically, husbands and wives should treat one
another. We learn in His Rulebook, for example, that lashing out in anger at
our spouses is not an acceptable means of communication.
Despite what we may have learned in a culture that values the
freedom to “speak your mind,” God has placed limitations on our speech—even in
the husband/wife relationship.
Pride lies at the root of the idea that we may say
anything that comes to our minds. As we approach a situation involving conflict
with our mate, if our foremost goal is to air our grievances and be right,
we are guilty of the sin of pride. Yet, we know that the Lord resists the
proud. He showers His grace upon us, however, when we humble ourselves before
an offended spouse.
When we run away from a problem and refuse to work on an
acceptable solution, we cheat ourselves and break yet another of God’s rules.
It is impossible to speak the truth in love, as God commands, when we walk away
from a discussion, (or stomp away in anger and perhaps slam the door for
dramatic effect.) Using the silent treatment as a weapon to punish our husband
or wife is unfair, unkind and unloving.
If we try to ignore our feelings and attempt to “sweep our
problems under the rug,” we soon find ourselves wallowing in self-pity and
drowning in an assortment of physical ailments.
Spouting off anything that we may be thinking, however, is
not the flip side of stuffing our feelings somewhere inside ourselves. When we
refuse to carefully and lovingly speak the truth to one another we disobey our
Heavenly Father. As we continue to sin against each other in this manner, we
also sin against God.
It has been well said, “It is easier to act
yourself into a new way of feeling, than to feel yourself into a new way
of acting.” Emotions are capricious. Feelings change rapidly and constantly. We
must not trust our feelings as a basis for right behavior.
When we choose to act on the basis of our will, rather than on
our feelings, we begin a journey toward mending the breach that separates us
from the most important person God has placed in our lives.
To ignore God’s commands concerning marital communication and
conflict resolution is willfully to sow seeds of destruction in our marriages.
But as we learn to implement biblically sound communication skills and conflict
resolution techniques in our marriages, we will experience more of the
blessings that God has promised to those who walk in obedience to His Word.
Dr. Don
Dunlap, a pioneer in the placement of Pastoral Counselors in the offices of
Christian physicians, has conducted over twenty thousand appointments during
his ministerial career. His counseling practice includes adults, children and
families in crisis. Dr. Dunlap is committed to facilitating a network of
telephone counselors. His goal is to provide help for the many people unable to
meet face to face with a competent Bible-based counselor. For a complete
library of Dr. Dunlap’s articles, indexed by topic, go to Family Counseling Ministries. You
may also make an appointment for personal telephone counseling by clicking on Family Counseling Ministries.
Family Counseling Ministries is a Christianity.com
ministry Partner.
