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A “Touching” Love

By Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor
It is important for a husband to express his love for his wife by touching her in nonsexual ways.

Family Counseling Ministries -

The sixth way that a husband undermines the marriage relationship is to hold onto resentment toward his wife.

Refusing to forgive is one of the most grievous sins that we can commit against God, against our spouses and against ourselves.

A husband cannot view his wife as God’s blessing until he chooses to forgive her.

We learn in Matthew 18 that we invite God’s discipline on our lives when we maintain an unforgiving spirit. A husband must deliberately choose to forgive his wife for all her past offenses, failures and wrong attitudes. When he forgives her, he begins to gain insight into why God sovereignly allowed him marry his wife. He then begins to reap the benefits that God has in store for him in his union with this particular woman.


A husband damages his marriage in a seventh way when he expresses physical affection to his wife only when he is interested in sex. He should be willing to learn to touch his wife in non-sexual ways. Men communicate love to their wives through the powerful vehicle of touch—touch that demands no response and expects nothing in return.


If a man was not lovingly touched as a child, touching his wife in nonsexual ways will not come easily to him.

Although “love touches” don’t require a lot of time, a husband must make a consistent, thoughtful effort to touch his wife lovingly. This is especially true if he did not grow up in a family that was physically demonstrative in their love for one another.


Taking the time to sit close to his wife, or touching her as he walks through a room requires minimal effort, but speaks loudly to her heart. Once a man discovers how much his wife needs his nonsexual touch, he is limited only by his imagination in the many ways that he can express his love to her.


In the aftermath of marital conflict a woman has an intensified need for physical reassurance from her husband. She generally needs more time than her husband to recover emotionally from the pain of a disagreement. During this time interval a husband should touch his wife in ways that he knows she enjoys. An attempt by a husband to initiate sexual intimacy immediately following conflict is often highly offensive to a wife. He should patiently wait until she is ready to approach him sexually.

A husband should give his wife a shoulder massage when he notices that she is working hard to meet a deadline.

A man should be alert to times when his wife is facing an especially stressful situation.

Perhaps she is working diligently on a project or preparing to host overnight guests. A husband can affirm and encourage her efforts by taking a few moments to massage her neck and back for a quick “pick-me-up.”

When a man is out with his wife in a social setting it is very important for him to make frequent physical contact with her. He should stand close to her and at times, put his arm around her. If an opportunity presents itself, he should discreetly whisper a little love message in her ear. A husband powerfully communicates his love for his wife when he makes it clear that he is glad to be with her in the presence of other people.



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