If we place unrealistic expectations on our mates, we will be unable to love them unconditionally.
Family Counseling Ministries -
Before marriage, men and women usually put their best foot
forward and they see very few negative qualities in one anothers lives. Many
women enter marriage thinking,
I know there are some things about him that I dont like,
but when I get through with him hell be a different person.
Men, on the other hand, generally think,
When Im with this woman I feel great. She is wonderful and
I hope she never changes. I always want to feel this way.
We will be unable to love our mates unconditionally if we
place expectations on him or her.
Unrealistic expectations drain the life out of a marriage
relationship. The average man can never live up to his wifes expectations. Her
expectations invariably result in wrong attitudes and an unforgiving spirit
toward her husband.
When a woman does not give her expectations to God in a
marriage, she damages the spirit of the relationship. Whereas she once focused
on the positive qualities that she saw in her husband before marriage, she now
criticizes him for not measuring up to her standards. If before marriage she
saw him, for example, as a man of confidence and strength, she now considers
him arrogant and harsh.
The qualities that she once admired in her husband soon become
sources of irritation.
If she previously thought of him as soft spoken and
mellow, she now views him as timid and weak, or passive and boring. Whereas she
once considered him affectionate and witty, she now thinks of him as oversexed
and sarcastic. If she formerly admired him for his convictions and ambition,
she now believes he is a know-it-all and a workaholic.
It is only after the wedding that her husband reveals his
other side in dramatic fashion. At first, people who seem to be opposites are
attracted to each other. Then they often begin to frustrate and irritate one
another. Finally, they ignite a fiery anger in each other that consumes the joy
of their marriage relationship.
Women who express genuine gratitude are very appealing to men.
Men are attracted to women who have a grateful spirit. A
wife who places demands and expectations on her husband cannot possibly express
gratitude to him. Wives must give their expectations to God. The writer of
Psalm 62:5 demonstrates how we are to do that. My soul, wait in silence for
God only, for my hope is from Him. A grateful, happy wife is a tribute to her
husband, but an unhappy wife is a public rebuke to him.
A wife must not seek her happiness in her relationship
with her husband. The only way that she will be truly happy is to obey the command
of Colossians 3:1,
Set your affections on things above.
The things above that the writer of this verse refers to
include the Lord Jesus Christ, heaven, Gods Word, the souls of other people
and true wisdom.
A wife should seek to learn godly contentment. She will never
find happiness in material possessions. When a woman comes to understand that
things compete with Christ, she will be willing to offer all of her earthly
expectations and comforts in exchange for knowing Christ more fully.
A wifes sincere praise is a powerful motivation for her
A wife should remember that when she praises her husband
she increases his sense of self-worth. She can praise her husband for the wise
choices that he makes, for the security that he provides for the family and for
the achievements that he has accomplished.
She must acknowledge the truth that God uses tribulations
to produce the character of Christ in her life. Then she should express to her
husband, the specific character qualities that she believes God is building
into her life as a result of the problems that she is facing in marriage.