Wives harm their marriage when they praise their husbands only when they think they deserve it.
Family Counseling Ministries -
Wives harm their marriage a fourth way by expressing
praise and admiration to their husbands only when they think their husbands
deserve it. Every man wants his wife to accept him for who he is and not for
what she wants him to be. He also wants his mate to value and appreciate him.
A man needs 3 as from his wife in order to feel loved and
successful as a husband: acceptance, appreciation and admiration.
There are several barriers that prevent a wife from
accepting, appreciating, and admiring her husband. She may feel awkward when
she expresses a compliment to her husband. Or she may not accept him as he is,
unconditionally. She could, perhaps, believe that since her spouse is already
too proud and self-centered, her compliments would only inflate his ego.
Possibly, she doesnt observe any qualities in her husband that she deems
Some husbands are embarrassed to receive compliments and they
stop their wives when they try to praise them. In such a situation, a wife
should not become discouraged, but should continue to regularly express her
love and appreciation to her husband.
Someone has said that we must make four positive
statements to offset a negative one. When a wife makes a negative comment about
her husband in front of other people she multiplies the impact of the hurt.
Whether or not a wife speaks negatively of her husband, she can undermine his
manliness in many other ways.
A wife must help her husband learn to protect her by telling
him what her needs are.
A woman, who expects her husband to naturally know how to
protect her physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally, will most likely
be disappointed. A wife must tell her husband how he can protect her. She
should realize that a spirit of self-sufficiency kills love. God does not
intend, for example, for wives to be financially independent of their husbands.
This, of course, does not mean that a woman should not
earn more money than her husband. The important consideration is the attitude
that she demonstrates regarding the amount of money that she makes. Does she
communicate an arrogant, independent spirit or a willingness to humbly support
and encourage her husbands efforts to provide for the family?
Even if her husband is not spiritually minded, the Lord may
use a wifes questions to cause him to grow spiritually.
Wives wound their husbands when they show greater loyalty
to other leaders, such as relatives, friends, pastors and church leaders. A
wife should go to her husband with spiritual questions, acknowledging the fact
that God may use her questions to draw her husband closer to Himself.
A woman who reviews her husbands past failures and resists
his decisions destroys his sense of self-worth. When she resists his physical
affection she crushes his spirit. If she takes matters into her own hands and
intrudes into her husbands arena of responsibility, she may temporarily avert
negative consequences, but she may cause ultimate destruction in their marriage
The writer of James 5:16 tells us,
The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
A wife should learn the power of crying out to God in
prayer for her husband. She should not become her husbands conscience, but
should wisely appeal to him when he makes wrong decisions. Then she should
lovingly give him room to fail. Above all, she should continue to express her
love and support for her husband as God teaches him valuable lessons in the
midst of failure.