Learn some communication donts that serve as guidelines for marital conflict.
Family Counseling Ministries -
From time to time, throughout their married lives, couples
find themselves stuck in a communication rut. It seems that their every attempt
to deal with conflict ends in frustration. Both partners can almost predict the
path their discussions will take, as they escalate into arguments and
inevitably end in an impasse.
They begin to lose heart and soon view their attempts to
resolve conflicts biblically as an exercise in futility. Eventually they give
up trying to improve their relationship and settle for less than God intended.
There are, however, several donts which husbands and wives must observe in
order to avoid certain pitfalls that bring marital communication to a
While positive commands are helpful, one has only to read
the Ten Commandments found in Exodus 20, to acknowledge the fact that God also
speaks in Thou Shall Nots. Communication donts are excellent
guidelines for husbands and wives in the heat of the battle.
Dont exaggerate the facts. Exaggeration is
a form of lying. Many spouses think that to state the facts as they are is not
adequately convincing, so in order to be more persuasive they resort to
stretching the truth. The writer of Proverbs 12:22 warns us that God hates a
lying tongue. Make a decision always to tell it like it is.
Dont hesitate to admit when you are wrong.
Husbands and wives often believe that they lose respect in their mates eyes if
they admit to having made a mistake. In fact, the opposite is true. It is very
difficult to live with a spouse who thinks he or she is perfect. Be quick to
humble yourself before your partner and take full responsibility for sinful
words or behavior.
Dont manipulate your mate with tears. Some
wives, in particular, may be drama queens worthy of an Oscar, but it is
inappropriate timing to demonstrate your acting skills in the midst of conflict
resolution. Both spouses should seek to remain emotionally calm throughout the
encounter and deal with the facts objectively.
Dont interrupt your mate when he or she is
speaking. Treat your partner courteously. Regardless of how important you may
think your next comment is, be mindful of Gods command to regard others as
more important than yourself. Allow your spouse to finish expressing his or her
point before you speak.
Dont hurl your point of view like a weapon
at your spouse. Remember who the real Enemy is. Satan desires to destroy your
marriage. Husbands and wives should be on one anothers team. Try always, to
speak the truth in love. State your point of view in a kind-hearted fashion and
remember to turn the volume down.
Dontforget that your goal is to open
the lines of communication between you and your matenot shut them down. As you
ask God for the wisdom to implement some of these donts you should find that
you are making significant progress in communicating lovingly and meaningfully
with your spouse.